Do We Really Need to Cut Front Line Services?

I was listening this week on the radio to a number of volleys between the Government and the Labour opposition.

Basically the fact that Tory "cuts" are causing front line services to be scrapped. Instead Labour would have us believe that they have the solution to the answer which is... I dunno really, because their so-called solutions have no basis in reality, are a bit vague and frankly involve not actually cutting anything as far as I can see.

Anyway, back to the topic: would Labour actually do any better?

Well frankly, no. The problem is that what the government and ordinary people want is for front line services to remain, but be delivered in the most cost-effective and efficient manner. Normally in a private company, this usually involves trimming off any excess fat in the organisation. Usually getting rid of a layer or two of middle management does the trick. What happens is that upper layers of management have to work harder for the same money (i.e. more efficiently) and the lowest ranks in the organisation continue to provide the same service as before.

The problem with trying to trim the fat in the public sector is how things are organised and funded. Central government may provide grants to local government, but it has no control over how that money is spent. One of the ways central government aims to reduce local government waste and instil a regime of efficiency is by reducing the money it gives to local government. Westminster then crosses its fingers and prays that the town and city councils see the light, accept the reduction and find more efficient ways of working.

Of course local government does exactly the opposite and just cuts front line services. Why? Because its those same middle managers that would be cut in the private sector that are making the decisions about what to cut in the public sector. Turkeys don't vote for Christmas and a middle manager isn't going to recommend he be made redundant in order to make the council more efficient. Instead he'll chop a few underlings from the wage bill, those same underlings that are at the coalface, providing front line services.

The Cleggeron Search Continues.

Scientists tending the battery of instruments surrounding the Conservative Party Conference in Manchester have yet to detect the Cleggeron, but their findings have shown the particle to be more complex than previously anticipated.

Quantum physicists are excited by the discovery that the Cleggeron exhibits different behaviour depending on the observer's location and political tendencies.

Initial observations show that when the two nuclei of the Cleggeron are apart, the exist in two separate realities, which provide a perfect environment for the aspirations of the observer of each nuclei. When the two nuclei come into close proximity, the two alternate realities create a third reality, totally at odds with any scientifically proven and observable reality. Scientists have cheekily assigned this third reality the name "cloud cuckoo land" for its astonishingly perverse properties.

Scientists Attempt to Finally Prove Alternate Realities.

With the advent of the UK Political Party Conference Season, scientists are looking forward to detecting and measuring a variety of physical anomalies that occur annually around conference time.

The very obvious alternate realities that political parties exists inside provides an opportunity for scientists to observe this quantum phenomenon. "The divergence from quantifiable scientific reality is measured in units called Browns" said a top scientist. "Normal people exist in a reality with a divergence measured in femtoBrowns, whereas politicians normally exist several milliBrowns away from true reality". Thanks to the Euro crisis along with the UK and US financial problems, scientists hope conferences this year will generate a reality a whole centiBrown away from that which normal people observe, although that level of divergence could cause problems. Its been theorised that at that level of divergence, politicians will honestly believe black is a shade of apple white." We have to get to the level of a full Brown in order for politicians to swear black is actually brilliant white, but each year we're getting closer" said a graduate assigned to the project.

Another scientists was quoted "This is the best opportunity we get to detect and observe alternate realities: the reality the major political parties exists in is so different from the the reality the rest of the population exist in, this observable alternate reality allows us to measure it's properties and attempt to explain its existence."

Scientists are this year set to investigate how an alternate universe with such a huge divergence from our own reality can co-exists with ours without the two annihilating each other, as well as explaining the ability of members of political parties to move from one reality to the next with little more than the loss of credibility and an inflated bank balance.

Its not only those out to prove quantum effects that converge on party conferences: climate scientists too are busy studying the effects of the release of so much hot air into the atmosphere. Their measurements could hopefully have an effect on future empty rhetoric. A spokesman said "Its our goal to quantify the effects of this massive release of hot air into the environment at autumn time. Previous measurements have shown it extends the summer by at least a month and causes a drastic effect on the hibernation patterns of wildlife. In future we hope to be able to lobby the government to legislate against empty rhetoric"

All the major parties declined to comment on any phenomena surrounding party conferences, nor on any prospective legislation to combat their environmental impact.

UPDATE:  Scientists at the University of Manchester hope next week to detect the Cleggeron, a theoretical particle with twin nuclei which is the force that binds alternate realities together.