Back in April I downsized my car. Being a bit brassic, I bought the cheapest Vauxhall Astra on eBay.
Not normally an unwise move, because I'm pretty handy with spanners (my day job being sales/technical for a car spares supplier).
However, this cat has been an eye-opener on the quality of modern small cars.
The problem is there is no quality. Sure, the interior is nice where you get to touch it, it lights up with a nice warm glow and it has some features found on earlier luxury cars like automatic lights and wipers.
But the oily and electrical bits, the bits that affect reliability are abysmally low quality.
The gearbox went not long after I bought the car. So, out the old one came and a new one got put in. £350, job done.
But.... The actual gearbox is hideously small. Horrendously small. Like small enough to be fit for a small motorcycle.
Now I know there have been advances in materials and computer-aided design and packaging, but I'm sorry, that gearbox isn't really fit for purpose. Not if the owner's club tales of regular failures is anything to go by. And my own experience of seeing a faulty bearing allow the shaft to punch a 50p sized hole in the side of the gearbox casing.
Then there's the engine. In order to pass emissions standards and still make some power, the engine is complex. Two temperature sensors, the thermostat is controlled by computer, the valvetrain has variable timing on inlet and exhaust, the engine is monitored by two cam sensor and a crank sensor buried within the engine and not easily replaced.
Now if these were reliable parts, there wouldn't be an issue. But everything has failed and needed replacement in the five months I've owned the car. The cam and crank sensors, the temperature sensors and the thermostat. The cam phasers, the pulleys on the end of the crankshaft that determine the variable valve timing are also worn out.
This on a car that has just over 12 years and 100,000 miles on it.
Not only that, but there are numerous electrical issues along with a failure of the sealant on the roof allowing the rain to get in. No doubt adding to the electrical chaos as the water pours into the fuse box in the footwell. Thank god for Toolstation and cheap polyurethane sealant.
I'd like to say this is what's called a Friday afternoon car, one where the workforce isn't bothering too much on quality, but there is some questionable design choices involved in the thing.
For instance to save money and weight, the car uses multiple computer modules, all connected by a network called CAN-BUS. Now this is great on complicated, expensive cars that have a lot of technology: the wiring to all the various gadgets is reduced to just two or four wires that snake around the car in a network and the various modules talk to each other and command each other on and off.
But it dos make some functions needlessly complex. For instance the key is connected to the body control module, so when you start the car by turning the key, you are not switching voltage to a relay that turns the starter motor. Instead, you tell the body control module that you wish to start the engine. The BCM will convey that message via the can-bus network to the engine control module that then commands the starter motor on for 5 seconds or until the engine fires up.
A needless over-complication of the staring process.
I did say this was good on a complicated, expensive car, one that has the sale price that allows a build budget to add in quality. But on a cheap hatchback, where the modules are built down to a price, as is the wiring, it's a recipe for disaster. If the wire aren't breaking and preventing communication between modules, the wire to the sensors break, rendering control of the engine for instance impossible. So the engine shuts down. Or the module does something like switch the fans on permanently because it doesn't know the engine temperature.
One major one was the crank sensor failing. Instead of registering the failure of the crank sensor, all I got was "Service ESP" on the dashboard. ESP being the Electronic Stability Control module, the module in charge of the brakes. Not sure what that's got to do with the crank sensor.
Another fault was the ECU-controlled thermostat. The thermostat is opened by the ECU turning on a heating element. The heating element failed, turning on a dashboard Message "Service Due Soon". Again requiring detective work to resolve.
The only saving grace about all of the above is that the parts are cheap, especially if you are in the trade. But really, what has happened to the small hatchback? Why is it so needlessly complicated? And how do normal people, that have to pay a mechanic to resolve issues cope?
No wonder people are opting to go to electric cars. Less moving parts adds reliability. Features are loaded in software so you build one version of the car and then sell software upgrades to add features. Building the same car repetitively means scaling reduces cost overall and hopefully if modules can be produced to a fair standard, failure rates can be reduced.
But I need to be convinced.
As it is, the head gasket on the Astra has now let go. With two weeks to the MOT, I think the time has come to cut my losses and scrap it. But the only alternative would be another cheap hatchback. So I might be in for another world of pain. Low emissions zones have pushed up the price of small petrol-powered hatchbacks in recent times so the definition of cheap might be "almost scrap".