Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Scientists Attempt to Finally Prove Alternate Realities.

With the advent of the UK Political Party Conference Season, scientists are looking forward to detecting and measuring a variety of physical anomalies that occur annually around conference time.

The very obvious alternate realities that political parties exists inside provides an opportunity for scientists to observe this quantum phenomenon. "The divergence from quantifiable scientific reality is measured in units called Browns" said a top scientist. "Normal people exist in a reality with a divergence measured in femtoBrowns, whereas politicians normally exist several milliBrowns away from true reality". Thanks to the Euro crisis along with the UK and US financial problems, scientists hope conferences this year will generate a reality a whole centiBrown away from that which normal people observe, although that level of divergence could cause problems. Its been theorised that at that level of divergence, politicians will honestly believe black is a shade of apple white." We have to get to the level of a full Brown in order for politicians to swear black is actually brilliant white, but each year we're getting closer" said a graduate assigned to the project.

Another scientists was quoted "This is the best opportunity we get to detect and observe alternate realities: the reality the major political parties exists in is so different from the the reality the rest of the population exist in, this observable alternate reality allows us to measure it's properties and attempt to explain its existence."

Scientists are this year set to investigate how an alternate universe with such a huge divergence from our own reality can co-exists with ours without the two annihilating each other, as well as explaining the ability of members of political parties to move from one reality to the next with little more than the loss of credibility and an inflated bank balance.

Its not only those out to prove quantum effects that converge on party conferences: climate scientists too are busy studying the effects of the release of so much hot air into the atmosphere. Their measurements could hopefully have an effect on future empty rhetoric. A spokesman said "Its our goal to quantify the effects of this massive release of hot air into the environment at autumn time. Previous measurements have shown it extends the summer by at least a month and causes a drastic effect on the hibernation patterns of wildlife. In future we hope to be able to lobby the government to legislate against empty rhetoric"

All the major parties declined to comment on any phenomena surrounding party conferences, nor on any prospective legislation to combat their environmental impact.

UPDATE:  Scientists at the University of Manchester hope next week to detect the Cleggeron, a theoretical particle with twin nuclei which is the force that binds alternate realities together.

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